You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
