Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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