and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
