That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize