we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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