i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
