Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
