i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Liz is crying about burritos again.
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Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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