I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You are the jesus of drinking
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
