oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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