now i know why i became what i already was.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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