He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
