Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize