I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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