I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
