Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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