I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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