SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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