I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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