i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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