i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
