At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
