Can Purell be used as lube?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
