I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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