just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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