fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
