We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You've changed since you got that strap on
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