capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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