After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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