Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
