Your dad touched me again.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
