i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
