Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
