i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
