I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
