Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize