i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
