I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
