At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
