its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
