I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
being pregnant is like rehab
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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