im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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