You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
