What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
