I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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