I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
