I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
