she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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