Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize