I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
