I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
