Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He shit in the fireplace
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize