is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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