I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
