It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
