he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
