can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
there is glitter all over my balls
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
