the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
