dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
