I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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