my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
