Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
