i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
