Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
