I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
