Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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