i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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