i can't believe i had my finger in that
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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