I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
